Before Swine Flu
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After Swine Flu
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5 SepA popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said : “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!” The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: “And that woman was my mother!”
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!”
The wife went; “ah!” with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out “….and I can’t remember who she was!”
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.
Moral of the story:
Don’t copy if you can’t paste!
1 Sep
Raipur- Four poll officials were suspended after 510 votes were cast in a polling booth with 478 registered voters in Chhattisgarh’s Raipur district during the second phase of the assembly elections, officials said Saturday.
Polling booth number 176 in village Manikchauri in Abhanpur constituency recorded above 100 percent voting on Nov 20, the final phase of assembly elections in which 51 of the state’s 90 constituencies went to polls.
Official sources said all the four polling staff deployed at the booth were suspended and the district election officer recommended re-polling.
Chhattisgarh Congress president Dhanendra Sahu, who is a sitting legislator from the seat, is locked in a fight with the ruling Bharatiya Janata Party’s (BJP) candidate and former Lok Sabha MP Chandrasekhar Sahu. Manikchauri is Chandrasekhar Sahu’s ancestral village.
23 Nov
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “rings”:
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
There are two times a man does’nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!
A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man!
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!
A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want!
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
Married man live longer than a single man, but married man are lot more willing to die!
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the begining of a new argument.
Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in remembering two people the same thing.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.
What is the difference between a marriage and a war? – A marriage is a war in which the enemies can sleep together!
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I have never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen?”
Bad Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married. He says “the wedding rings look too much like miniature handcuffs…..”
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all !
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he does’nt. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.
15 Oct
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida… and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
18 Aug